Davis was really fun. I met cool people, and hung out with old friends. I found out I'm in decent shape and can still ride my bike after 3 years!

I got to sit in on a class and ditch a class to go swimming :). I like Davis. The only problem is the level of difficulty of the classes and whether or not I could keep up.

I have a week before my job starts and I was wondering if anyone had some free time to hang out. It's summer and most of you aren't leaving untill August. I know Veronica is supposed to be in town too, so it woul be nice to see you if you have time. All you graduating people call me afterwards and we can hang out.

It's friday we should do a last TRG bowling or something. You can get away from your significant others for ONE night can't you?

If anyone is free just let me know. :)

What's wrong with me lately?
I can't sleep at night, I feel really claustrophobic all the time, it's the end of the year but my classes are getting harder, my entire body keeps going into a weird numb feeling; like I'm light headed throughout my entire body. I want to cry every 5 minutes, I can't focus, I'm not even hungry most the time anymore.

And I don't even know why, I wish it were summer, I just don't want to dread about going to school anymore everyday. I know I only have like 18 days but I feel like I'm going to explode.

hello chica's and chico's! :) c'est Belle, et je vous aime! any way, I haven't written in a while and mati really wanted me to do a post so here I am :).

You know what I have realized in my 17 years of life? I've been through a lot, but so has just about every person on this earth. I lost my father at 2, shuffled through adoptive agencies untill I was 5, and lost my new mom at 11. All those things are terrible and I wish them on none, however they have also shaped the person I've turned out to be. I can not change the past and accept that, don't get me me wrong it saddens me and has caused many problems I don't like to talk about, but I also know none of it was my fault and do not blame anyone. And I know if it didn't happen I wouldn't have the wonderful friends I have now. I'd probably be living in Castro Valley with 10 siblings, poor, and posssibly addicted to drugs. (based on how the rest of my family is doing.) Thank you all for being my friends, I love you all so much and depend on you more than you could know. I am so thankful to have each and everyone of you in my life. I am sorry for what has happened to the people I love, however I would not change my life if I could, because I love what I have have and cherish it all deeply. I love my life; my friends, family, boyfriend, teachers, they're all awesome. And I wouldn't take a single one of you out of my life even if I could, I love you all far too much and you make me happy :).

Thanksgiving was fun I guess. I watched a lot of ferensic files (sister made me), a little history channel ( I made my sister :D), ate a lot of stuffing, got to go to the beach anytime I wanted to, and watched stay Alive. I did have to go to a highschool foot ball game where my only companion was my 14 year old cousin who was busy talking to her other 14 year old friends but it was ok, they were nice to me, but it was hard to relate to them. Oh well. It was very nice to just get away from school and relax :). Too bad winter break is in 4 weeks :p. I am really sad that I missed Veronica though. I was so sad when I learned she was coming in the night before I left and leaving the day I came back. I really hope she comes back for chrismas and I'll get to see her. SORRY VERONICA!!!! Please be here when I'm in town!!

-got to go.
-BYE!

I think I'm being paranoid, but I've had a bad feeling for the past 3 hours. I don't know why, or what about, but something doesn't feel right. I had a great day but something is nagging me and making me feel awful. OH well.

Hmmm.... Maybe THAT'S why I amso afraid of cars...

Now I really want a hug!!!! I should totally give away free hugs!

So I haven't written in a while... I feel bad, there are a bunch of things going on I wasn't aware of. I really miss T.R.G. and all my other really close friends. Who knew being in love was so time consuming? It doesn't help that my dad refuses to let me stay after school because of grade problems last year. I havn't been to koosh in a while, I don't hang out afterschool, all my senior friends are busy with their college stuff to really hang out, and it's not even as though I have a boyfriend and friends to juggle, I have a boyfriend and multiple sets of friends all demanding attention, some don't even seem to care.

Sorry this started out nice and ended up in a angry rant. I miss all of you and you are all still my best friends and I need you all, please don't push me away or pull me too close to breath. If you think it's hard for you (which by no means do I think it's not!) remember I have to live with all the sides either pulling at me or just letting me slip away.

I hate school. It should die.

-Belle

One of my favorite movies of all time.

You take it with a smile,
It's so easy when you're always in denial....

Cause time will bring you down
I don't want to miss
I don't think you can handle this
You've lost what you can't find
Never what you had in mind

You’re giving up
You know it's not what you need
And it's true what you're going through
Try so hard not listen to everything I never say

Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
I don't think you can handle this
Cause I will bring you down
I don't want to miss
And I don't think you can handle this
You've lost what you can't find
Never what you had in mind

I'm getting over getting used to
And after all that I put you through now I see I'm not the only one

I never thought It'd ever come to
This in fact was never what you wanted from me
Or how you meant it to be

I'm getting over getting used to
And after all that I put you through now I see I'm not the only one

I never thought It'd ever come to
This in fact was never what you wanted from me or how you meant it to be

I don't get it. How can everything be so perfect yet so hard and stressful?

On one side I've never been happier, but on the other side I feel torn and stressed. I can't take it......... Too much crap!!!!!!! I hate school ..........

So in a couple hours I'm off to Oregon to see my family. Normally I'm psyched to get an extra day off from school, however I'm not going to see any of my friends for four days, I won't get to see Jamie for four days, and My Grandma is going to harrass me about manners and eating habbits as allways.

I love my family don't get me wrong, they are great! I Just don't feel like going to Oregon this weekend; I have a terrible headache that isn't supposed to go away for about a month because of my accident, and my grandma has a knack for making me lock myself in the bathroom and crying. (She doesn't know this of course.)

I'm going to miss all of you so much! I should go pack now... I love you all!

-BYE!
-love Belle

p.s. Can someone give Jamie a really big hug for me on Monday, and at koosh if he's there?

So The first day of school was... Interesting.... (at least what I can remember from it.)

All I remember is getting dropped off by my dad, finding my first couple of classes, hiding behind Katie from Jamie, being in Mr. Collioer's class, being in Mr. Robertso's class, and waking up in a hospital bed. Apparently I ppassed out in Chemistry second period. I don't remember going to second period, hell I don't remember most of yesterday!! I spent the night in intensive care, then I was moved to get an MRI, and another test I can't remember the name of. I was let out of the Hospital today around 2:30. I'm sorry to anyone I may have scared by not showing up to lunch yesterday or school today.

I am going to school tomorrow, but if I get light headed or don't think I can make it through the day I am going home.

I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE FIRST FREAKING DAY!!! I PASSED OUT IN SECOND PERIOD FOR FREAKING SAKES! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE THROUGH AN ENTIRE YEAR?!..... oh we no biggie I suppose.... I'll see you all tomorrow....... (Katie I'l be there early as always.) Can anyone help me remember wednesday tomorrow?

-Bye.
-Love Belle

Now I know this is very rare and I take great pride it in; my father and I have NEVER had a fight in my entire life. I have a wonderfull relationship with him that I enjoy very much. However many of you already know about my 9pm curfew, and 12am currfew on fridays and Saturdays. Jamie and I fell asleep tonight, and my dad waited half an hour in front of Jamie's house, (we were accross the street house sitting for his neighbor.) My dad is very angry right now and "wants to talk about it in the morning when he's not so pissed." I am afraid of what is going to happen, earlier curfew? I could deal with that. Never driving me to or from Jamie's again, that would hurt but I might be able to deal with that. But a hurt relationship with my dad, and letting him down tonight is what's going to keep me up crying all night... Morning, whatever.

Today was... odd. It was definately fun in parts! Like Nation's, meeting Mike, dying hair, and watching a movie at Jamie's. It's just this really creepy 40 year old mexican guy who smelled like alchohol started following me and then tried to make aout with me, and the bus just abandoned me with him. It SLOWED DOWN!! But sped up once I started walking twords it! So I started walking, and the guy followed me. He creeped me out so much, and the bus pissed me off so much! So I walked to Nation's already an hour late, and on the way some other creepy guy stops me to flirt with me. WTF!? Why do I attract 40 year old, creepy men? It's disgusting, they creep me out and I'm 17!! Make them go away!!!!! I'm sick of the cat calls, the honks, the following, and the creepy grins I FUCKING HATE THEM!!!!

Oh well that's enough venting I suppose. Sorry.

On a lighter note my hair now has violety-pink streaks!! It's quite cute. I think it might take me a little bit to get used to it but I do think it's cute :).

-BYE!
-Love Belle

Yesterday was fun. Koosh was awesome, I was about an hour late because I had to do my chore and shower, but I didn't start either until about 12:20. I did get there though! I love to see all my friends, I got to hand out the invitations to people, I want a lot more people there but I havn't seen a lot of people in a long time.

ANYONE READING THIS!!!
-You are invited to my 17th birthday party. It is THIS SATURDAY! (the 12th) at 12:30 in tilden it's in a picknick area on LONE OAK rd. You go UP Marin, LEFT onto Grizzly Peak, RIGHT onto Canon Dr, keep goingstraight (the road curves but don't go into it) then turn LEFT onto Lone oak road, you;ll see a parking lot and a grassy area and that's where we'll be! -Man I hope that was clear enough! (If you came to koosh then you would have gotten a map so nah nah nah nah!!!) :)

Anyway, at some point people decided they wanted creps so we headed twords Crepes a go go, but I ran into Mati and had to talk to her. After a while everyone was already at Crepes a go go, but we wanted pie, so Jamie, Mati and I went to Nations, bought a berry pie and walked over to Crepe's a go go. Then we walked to Kevin's house, and Mati had to leave. We all hung out on his roof for a bit and then walked to Leo's where we tried to count to ten - harder than it sounds!! Atepmted to watch Final Fantasy, made Banana bread, and Jamie played the song he wrote for my birthday... It was beautiful, it's times like that, that really make me feel like I somehow tricked him into liking me because I don't deserve a guy like that but when I tell Jamie that he thinks that means I'm trying to get rid of him :(.The song he wrote almost made me cry, and I felt undiscribable, he's so amazingly sweet and talanted, I love that boy :). Unfortunately I had to leave a few mins. later. After that song I had a hard time leaving, it took me 10 mins. to finally rip myself away from him and go to the car. And then, what isa the worst thing you can say while kissing your boyfriend? grrr I was worried my dad was going to be mad at me for bing so late, and I was trying to say "bye Jamie!" but insted I say "Bye daddy!" oh wow, hopefully he forgets about that! (awkward Turtle!!! - retreat retreat!!!)

-BYE!
-Love Belle

It's a birthday miracle! My priorities are back! Oh how I missed them!!

So my grandma forgot my birthday.... She called on my birthday to ask what my dad wanted for his birthday. I kinda feel like molly ringwald in 16 candles, except I don't have a creepy foreign guy chasing me. Oh well.

Happy bithday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Belle, happy birthday to me...

I don't know why but I feel disgusting right now, maybe it's low blood sugar, but I havn't felt this disgusted with myself for a long time, no matter what I put on, or what I tell myself, I just feel like crap. I wanna go to koosh and see all my friends but at the same time I feel repulsive and don't want them to see me. Oh well I'm gonna get dressed and go to koosh, maybe it'll cheer me up.

I Blame Jamie! Ever since Jamie and I have been going out we both have become less hungry, and we both have decided to blame the other. Well in the past couple weeks I have lost about 4 pounds and now my bras are just slightly too large. Couldn't I have lost weight from my hips or something? By no means do I consider myself fat but if I had to lose weight I'd prefer if I lost it from my hips rather than my boobs, they're one of my best assests. All I've got are my eyes, my boobs, my hips, and my supposed "personality". I guess it does give me a reason to go bra shopping but my "priorities" (only T.R.G. will get that) are smaller!! :(. Oh well I have to go eat something and regain my priorities!!!

-Love Belle